Friendship in the time of fascism.

Friendship doesn't have age limits, but it does have conditions. And that's OK.

This is Essay #141.

“Don’t get ahead of your skis”, Sharon told me at lunch.

We were talking about new opportunities in my life and how excited I was. That woman really knows me, even though we’ve only met a handful of times.

At 85 years young, Sharon is keen observer of people and the world. Possibly one of the most unselfish people I have ever met. I consider her a friend.

She sensed right away that I’m an emotional, highly sensitive person who gives too much, expects the same, then gets her feelings hurt way too easily.

I need to stop that. 🤦‍♀️

On the opposite end of the age continuum, I’m very close with two women both younger than my daughter. (One in her mid-thirties, the other early forties.) Formerly neighbors, we bonded over our crazy landlady and have been friends ever since. We called ourselves The Survivors.

And trust me, we have the receipts… that landlady was nuts.

I have delighted in watching them nurse a hangover (likely one that I was responsible for providing 😜), listen to them talk about their latest man and their families. Both are wildly talented, intelligent, and energetic, killing it in their professions, light years ahead of me at that age. We share the same world view and discuss the shitty condition of American society. I feel sorry for them both having to inherit such a mess.

Only their music choices give my older age pause. 😂

Through this column, I have met some stellar women on the East coast in my age group. We meet for drinks at lunch and talk about the challenges of being in our sixties when our brains tell us we’re in our thirties.

There are others, like my mentor who changed my life, a fierce 80 year old I’ll never be able to repay. And my 50 year old beauty who is navigating a federal job and raising two teenagers alone, doing it with positivity and grace.

She inspires me on the daily.

Given where America finds herself, (mostly afraid and confused) we need friends. But it’s time to be more particular about who we’re hanging with.

Long term relationships are rare, I believe, and if you’re lucky enough to have a pal since grade school, then I think you might be an anomaly.

Because people change. Our political climate has made that abundantly clear. So I’m just going to say it: Those who supported and continue to support the current felon can no longer be in my life. End of story.

Illustration by Brian Rea

Our value systems are not the same. These folks have made a conscious decision to condone racism and abject cruelty. Women’s rights? Human rights? Clearly not important. And perhaps worst of all, they’re happy to ensure the obscenely wealthy have even MORE money at our expense. 🤦‍♀️

It’s a pivotal time in American society and like it or not, as citizens, we need to pay attention. Yet some folks prefer not to. They “don’t do politics”, whatever the hell that means.

I want to shake them and scream, “Honey, wake up and smell that coffee. Our way of life is in jeopardy!” When you’re being threatened, inaction is something I don’t understand.

So, I’ve had to let some people go.

But, I’ve let a lot of people in!

The Substack platform has been a gathering place for like-minded people. When I started ‘Susan Speaks’ over 16 months ago, I had no idea how many enriching connections I would make. From all walks of life, from every age group, we’ve found each other here and we’re strengthened by our common values. We all want the best for humanity, each other, and the planet. We can see right from wrong, and have a desire to make some difference.

Especially in this time in our history, one thing I’ve learned…

It’s not necessary to have a lot of friends. It’s important to have the right ones.

I appreciate my digital family so much. 💙 Thanks for being here.