You put carrots and celery in chili? š³
Take that crazed bullshit to someone else's kitchen, please.
This is Essay #125.
Forgive my rant here, but for Godās Sake. Is nothing sacred?
And so begins a discussion about chili. We had an unexpected burst of spring here in the mid Atlantic, but now weāre back to cold, damp days. I suggested a pot of chili and, holy shitā¦ letās just say a very ālivelyā exchange took place.
A chili recipe is evidently sacred and very personal. People get downright defensive about this. There are almost as many variations as there are people on this planet. Just Google āRecipes for Chili Soupā and youāll get 196 MILLION hits. š¤¦āāļø To my point, ask The Google for Chicken Noodle Soup recipes and you only get 107 million.
So clearly, chili is important to people. Thereās even a National Chili Day. (The 4th Thursday of February, every year. Start planning now.)
Talking to various people, I heard: āOh, I make really good chiliā. āI mix my own spicesā. āI put beans in mine.ā āMy mom puts peas in hers.ā āI grow my own chiliās for my recipe.ā āMy recipe has green peppers.ā
Thereās chicken chili, turkey chili, venison chili, vegetarian chili, and of course, ground beef. It comes in ācolorsā like red chili, green chili, white chili.
The debate of Beans or No Beans is seriously fierce.
The adventurous have concocted recipes that are products of feverish, violent dreams. Coconut Chicken Chili and Smoky Peanut Butter Chili.
Gross. š¤®
Someone said their secret ingredient was a splash of balsamic vinegar right before they serve it. WUT?
Then thereās the question... how spicy should it be? Iām convinced that men define their masculinity by how much hot sauce they can handle. Because when you drown your chili (or any other food) in Flaminā Flatulance or Anal Angst Hot Sauce and you canāt taste the food you put it on, thatās just stupid.
People add special toppings: Cheese (the #1 choice), sour cream or plain yogurt, chopped jalapeƱos or green onions, avocados, oyster crackers, saltine crackers, tortilla chips, cilantro (the least popular choice, and it should be).
However, I absolutely believe a side of corn bread is appropriate.
On and on and on. But this fervent discussion about how to prepare the perfect batch of chili started when my guy served me his version.
Chunks of chuck roast with big pieces of celery and carrots.
Yeah... no. š¤Æ
This isnāt beef stew or vegetable soup, OK? Some things are best left the ways the culinary gods intended. Itās like, what are you compensating for? You wanna experiment, buy some tofu.
Chili is a volatile topic. People are passionate about it and it has a definite regional influence. I had no idea there were so many styles.
In Kansas City, they might add a little smoked pork brisket. I guess that sounds reasonable. But only if an ice cold beer goes with it.
The state dish in Texas isā¦ chili. š¤·š¼āāļø
And you folks in Cincinnati have my sincere condolences. Allspice? Cloves? Unsweetened chocolate? On spaghetti? Just stop it.
Thereās an official organization The International Chili Society. (Iām not making that up). And havenāt we all been to a chili cook off?
Anyway, Iām not gonna break up with him yet, but carrots and celery in chili pushed me close to the edgeā¦ and thatās what started this whole essay. š
So before grill season starts, make one last pot of chili, OK? Then tell me YOUR secret. I know you have an opinion. Everybody does.
ONE LAST THING: This was meant to be lighthearted and fun, so donāt hate me, ok?
My chili has onions and peppers, but never carrots or celery. It has tomatoes, ground beef, cumin, chili powder, salt and pepper. It usually has beans because I like them. It has to cook for long enough so the flavors blend, but itās still always better on the second day. As far as heat is concerned, I donāt put too much in, I like it, but it doesnāt like me. I also usually serve it over rice and add cheese. Yum!
P.S. My chili burns on the way in, but not on the way out.