This. 20 years ago I lost my brilliant husband in 4 weeks like this. Took me back to the moment where they couldn’t get around the tumor upon scoping. 4weeks became another lifetime. He was just 50, I was 49, and our 2 kids have never gotten over it. Thanks for your ferocity, it’s needed to wake up. You are a Buddha.
Oh Patti. I know there's nothing I can say to ease your pain. I understand when you say 4 weeks became another lifetime. It was truly the hardest thing I have ever done. Someone told me here that by sharing our stories, we keep memories alive. I am trying to reach as many people as I can with Tim's story. Get the damned test. It will spare our families a lifetime of sadness and grief. THANK YOU for sharing. Peace.
A wise old country doctor, in the midst of my destabilizing grief said to me that I would eventually heal. “The tincture of time, my dear; the tincture of time.” He listened deeply to his patients in the wilds of British Columbia, and learned. This gift carried me. One day, about a year later, he wrote me a little letter in which he wished for me ”a handsome millionaire lover” and it was the first time I found myself laughing OUT LOUD! My grief had completely disabled me until this moment. I made a deal with grief: You can do with me what you want. Anything. I agree to yield to this experience.
It was then that I started to heal. And though I was certain that I’d never have another man, in the depths of my loneliness I cried out one night. Please just send me the perfect person for me. The story gets crazy here. A former co-worker at the university I worked for ( we were student advisors) told me she’d been to an enrollment fair and run into a man there who remembered me from the days he’d loan me his desk to recruit students. She chatted with him and learned of his recent widowhood. She told him I’d been widowed too. She called me to tell me of it; he was a blip in my memory, but I looked up his number and just left a sympathetic VM, expressed my sympathy for his loss, and hung up. Weeks go by. One afternoon I get a call from him and I hear his story. Our spouses were under care of the same oncologist at the same hospital at the same time in Seattle. WTH? He tells me of his excruciating journey. I tell him mine. We begin talking every night 20 minutes turns into 2 hours. After 5 months we get up the courage to meet for dinner. He’s African American. I’m a white midwesterner. On March 14 ( The ides of March, of course!) we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. How the hell this happened I will never know. But a wounded heart needs to heal and will take you like a heat seeking missile to your own healing in whatever shape that comes. I love your writing… keep it up!
Susan. I am so sorry for your loss. My wife of 40 years has been after me to have the scope and I have been putting it off. One of my good friends is a gastroenterologist and he has been hounding me too. As hard headed as I am, your story has compelled me to get the damn procedure scheduled. Thanks for speaking up. We may not agree on a lot of things but I appreciate your sincerity. Take care!!
I totally agree. Get a colonoscopy. But how does one get through to people who HATE the health care system and believe all doctors are rich, serving only their own selfishness? People who are willing to die rather than give up their beliefs, their prejudices?
Thats a great question, Jeffery. You cant make people do anything, right? I suppose everyone makes their own choices...to live or die. My partner has a very close friend, a veteran, only 72, who has smoked all his life. He used to be a robust guy but all the cigarettes have killed him. He was told to stop multiple times...and he is so addicted he cant. I doubt he makes it out of the hospital this time. What can you do? You have to want to live.
Thank you for reading. I think it would be a mistake to let Tim's story be silent. Such a simple test to save a life. I wont stop pushing the message. He deserves that. Be well. ✌️🙏
Finally sat down for this incredible read. Tim would be so proud!!! Not getting a colonoscopy was the biggest mistake of his life— that cost him his before he could celebrate 60. This article is a public service announcement— we need billboards for this message. I remember the female rabbi and all of the nurses that came in— Especially the one for music therapy. What an incredible afternoon that was! I think of him fondly, and often. And as hard as it was, you were there for him through it all. It speaks volumes of your love and loyalty….
Oh Pam. I hope he knows how loved he was. Thank you for being there. The music was incredible - I hadn’t thought of that till now. 😭. Strong support from friends get us through. I’ll always be mad at him. I will always love him.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. My Tim is also an Irishman (from County Cork), but fortunately he is a big believer in regular screening (and so am I). Yes, the prep is not pleasant, but it's also short-lived in duration, relatively speaking, and the procedure itself is a breeze. I had some benign polyps removed during one colonoscopy, and am grateful to think that may have saved my life. Tim's older brother, Alex, passed away last year due to metastasized prostate cancer ... he too, did not want to be bothered with screenings, and dismissed the aches and pains as "lumbago" until it was too late. At Alex's funeral, Tim ended the eulogy by begging everyone to get their screenings: mammograms, PSA screenings, colonoscopies, regular lab work, etc.
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story....it means a lot to me and everyone else. It's such a simple test-and even the prep is easier than it's ever been. A small bit of effort to save your life...I'm so sorry about Alex. Screenings, of all sorts, do save lives!!! Stay well! ❤️✌️
Thank you, Susan, for sharing your story of relentless love and rotten loss. I hope your life now holds more sunshine than clouds, and as a colon cancer survivor myself, I am so grateful you've chosen to advocate! Keep yelling at folks!!❤️❤️
I'm the reason that all 5 of my siblings and both of my kids have been on the "colonoscopy train" for well over a decade. I was diagnosed with Stage 3b colon cancer at age 45 in 2004 (the recommended screening age was 50 back then). After a year that included surgery, chemo and radiation therapy I was able to return to my job as a firefighter and was able to complete a,33 year career. Thankfully, in the ensuing 20 years, diligent screening (12 colonoscopies!) and follow-up care I'm still around to tell other people not to ignore any symptoms that bother you - talk to your doctor! Get screened!!!
Whatta story. Mark, thank you for sharing this. I'd like to share it as well....because you are living proof of how vital screening is. This test is simply NO BIG DEAL. It saves lives. You're proof of that and I'm so thankful you spoke up about your experience. ❤️✌️ Be well and stay that way!!
@Susan Niemann I’m so sorry for your loss. Being the primary caregiver to someone with cancer is exhausting. I was my husband’s for 3 years; he died of pancreatic cancer. I hope you have peace and rest and take care of yourself. 💗
Thank you Sharon... it was surreal, in a way, as I look back on it. You do what you have to do, though, right? MY condolences for your loss as well. I think the best way I can honor him is to get people to take care of themselves and spread the word. HUGS to you. ❤️
In 2010, I noticed I had blood in my stool. I said to my husband I think there’s something wrong. He was a surgeon and he said oh you probably just have hemorrhoids. I said no this is something else and I complained to the G.I. doctor also a friend. he said oh you probably just have hemorrhoids. I said I don’t care I want this looked at I want colonoscopy. It was my FIRST colonoscopy and I was 68! No one had recommended I have a colonoscopy before this. They didn’t even think I should have one then!
It turned out I had a malignancy. Shocking news to my husband the doctor and the G.I. doctor. Oh, what shall we do? He had removed the tumor which was sitting up on a healthy pedicle.
The local academic health center wanted me to have a Whipple. And radiation therapy and chemotherapy. I looked at the literature, and I saw that my risk of dying from the Whipple and everything else at this point was higher than the risk of the tumor.
So I said no to Whipple I said no to the treatments and then I begin an every six month process of colonoscopies. The good news is it was a good catch. The bad news is I had to advocate for myself repeatedly and had I not done so I would not have been a survivor. so if you think there’s something wrong advocate for yourself or your loved one because no one knows your body better than you do regardless of what the “statistics” say.
And yes, I just had a colonoscopy last week and yes, the prep is horrible. And yes, there were lots of polyps (14!!!!) and I will be going back in two years not three years and I will be grateful that it’s just polyps.
WOW Sharon... an incredible story, one we can all learn from....and I'm SO GLAD you are here to tell it. My step father had Whipple surgery. It's a tough one. And for sure we must be our own advocate. I feel very fortunate with Tim that our neighbor across the hall was a colorectal resident. She was SO supportive. And... 14 polyps! 😳 I believe since your experience, doctors are encouraging the testing more...as they should. THANK YOU, BTW, for subscribing. Means the world to me.🙏❤️
Bridget, my heart goes out to you. Thanks for mentioning the cologuard test. It's better than nothing. Cancer is such a vicious disease and this kind is not that difficult to stop. Take care of YOU! ❤️
Nothing is worse than watching a loved one suffer. Especially with knowledge that something could of been done to prevent it. What an emotional roller-coaster. My heart goes out to you. This is the hard stuff. Really hard. My husband has his appointment coming up. I'm due, but I have put under. I have issues. Again, my heart goes out to you. You're incredibly strong. You have to be. Sometimes there isn't choice. We just persevere. ❤️
Thank you for this--I have a colon screening by the end of this month as my fam on my dad side has a history of problems in this area and I really really am hoping things go well. I am so very sorry for your loss. From the pictures Tim looked like a ball of friend and fun. It sucks when we lose such light. My heart and love goes out to you.
Thanks Alicia. And I'm thrilled you are getting checked. It can literally save your life! You would have loved Tim-he would have loved your writing. Stay well.
I have and I think it’s great that you are openly discussing why people avoid the test and why they shouldn’t. Colon cancer is a silent disease until it isn’t.
Susan, I'm so sorry for your loss of Tim, but happy he had you by his side. Helping a partner through health issues is so hard, and then to lose them anyhow I'm sure is devastating. You are doing good using your knowledge and experience to get the word out. Thank you!
Hey Cherie… I know people make their own decisions about things but if they could think about the impact of their decisions on their families … we could save some lives! ❤️
This. 20 years ago I lost my brilliant husband in 4 weeks like this. Took me back to the moment where they couldn’t get around the tumor upon scoping. 4weeks became another lifetime. He was just 50, I was 49, and our 2 kids have never gotten over it. Thanks for your ferocity, it’s needed to wake up. You are a Buddha.
Oh Patti. I know there's nothing I can say to ease your pain. I understand when you say 4 weeks became another lifetime. It was truly the hardest thing I have ever done. Someone told me here that by sharing our stories, we keep memories alive. I am trying to reach as many people as I can with Tim's story. Get the damned test. It will spare our families a lifetime of sadness and grief. THANK YOU for sharing. Peace.
A wise old country doctor, in the midst of my destabilizing grief said to me that I would eventually heal. “The tincture of time, my dear; the tincture of time.” He listened deeply to his patients in the wilds of British Columbia, and learned. This gift carried me. One day, about a year later, he wrote me a little letter in which he wished for me ”a handsome millionaire lover” and it was the first time I found myself laughing OUT LOUD! My grief had completely disabled me until this moment. I made a deal with grief: You can do with me what you want. Anything. I agree to yield to this experience.
It was then that I started to heal. And though I was certain that I’d never have another man, in the depths of my loneliness I cried out one night. Please just send me the perfect person for me. The story gets crazy here. A former co-worker at the university I worked for ( we were student advisors) told me she’d been to an enrollment fair and run into a man there who remembered me from the days he’d loan me his desk to recruit students. She chatted with him and learned of his recent widowhood. She told him I’d been widowed too. She called me to tell me of it; he was a blip in my memory, but I looked up his number and just left a sympathetic VM, expressed my sympathy for his loss, and hung up. Weeks go by. One afternoon I get a call from him and I hear his story. Our spouses were under care of the same oncologist at the same hospital at the same time in Seattle. WTH? He tells me of his excruciating journey. I tell him mine. We begin talking every night 20 minutes turns into 2 hours. After 5 months we get up the courage to meet for dinner. He’s African American. I’m a white midwesterner. On March 14 ( The ides of March, of course!) we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. How the hell this happened I will never know. But a wounded heart needs to heal and will take you like a heat seeking missile to your own healing in whatever shape that comes. I love your writing… keep it up!
Susan. I am so sorry for your loss. My wife of 40 years has been after me to have the scope and I have been putting it off. One of my good friends is a gastroenterologist and he has been hounding me too. As hard headed as I am, your story has compelled me to get the damn procedure scheduled. Thanks for speaking up. We may not agree on a lot of things but I appreciate your sincerity. Take care!!
I'm so happy to hear this. You honor Tim by doing so...and your family as well. Take care of yourself!! And thanks for sharing. 👍
I totally agree. Get a colonoscopy. But how does one get through to people who HATE the health care system and believe all doctors are rich, serving only their own selfishness? People who are willing to die rather than give up their beliefs, their prejudices?
Thats a great question, Jeffery. You cant make people do anything, right? I suppose everyone makes their own choices...to live or die. My partner has a very close friend, a veteran, only 72, who has smoked all his life. He used to be a robust guy but all the cigarettes have killed him. He was told to stop multiple times...and he is so addicted he cant. I doubt he makes it out of the hospital this time. What can you do? You have to want to live.
I’m so very sorry for your loss…💔
So nice of you to reach out, Deborah. I truly loved him...and if his story can save a life, I want to share it as much as I can! Thank you! 🙏❤️
So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and advocacy for others to attend to their own health
Thank you for reading. I think it would be a mistake to let Tim's story be silent. Such a simple test to save a life. I wont stop pushing the message. He deserves that. Be well. ✌️🙏
Finally sat down for this incredible read. Tim would be so proud!!! Not getting a colonoscopy was the biggest mistake of his life— that cost him his before he could celebrate 60. This article is a public service announcement— we need billboards for this message. I remember the female rabbi and all of the nurses that came in— Especially the one for music therapy. What an incredible afternoon that was! I think of him fondly, and often. And as hard as it was, you were there for him through it all. It speaks volumes of your love and loyalty….
Oh Pam. I hope he knows how loved he was. Thank you for being there. The music was incredible - I hadn’t thought of that till now. 😭. Strong support from friends get us through. I’ll always be mad at him. I will always love him.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. My Tim is also an Irishman (from County Cork), but fortunately he is a big believer in regular screening (and so am I). Yes, the prep is not pleasant, but it's also short-lived in duration, relatively speaking, and the procedure itself is a breeze. I had some benign polyps removed during one colonoscopy, and am grateful to think that may have saved my life. Tim's older brother, Alex, passed away last year due to metastasized prostate cancer ... he too, did not want to be bothered with screenings, and dismissed the aches and pains as "lumbago" until it was too late. At Alex's funeral, Tim ended the eulogy by begging everyone to get their screenings: mammograms, PSA screenings, colonoscopies, regular lab work, etc.
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story....it means a lot to me and everyone else. It's such a simple test-and even the prep is easier than it's ever been. A small bit of effort to save your life...I'm so sorry about Alex. Screenings, of all sorts, do save lives!!! Stay well! ❤️✌️
Thank you, Susan, for sharing your story of relentless love and rotten loss. I hope your life now holds more sunshine than clouds, and as a colon cancer survivor myself, I am so grateful you've chosen to advocate! Keep yelling at folks!!❤️❤️
Oh yes… I will definitely keep yelling! ✌️❤️. So glad you spoke up!!!
I'm the reason that all 5 of my siblings and both of my kids have been on the "colonoscopy train" for well over a decade. I was diagnosed with Stage 3b colon cancer at age 45 in 2004 (the recommended screening age was 50 back then). After a year that included surgery, chemo and radiation therapy I was able to return to my job as a firefighter and was able to complete a,33 year career. Thankfully, in the ensuing 20 years, diligent screening (12 colonoscopies!) and follow-up care I'm still around to tell other people not to ignore any symptoms that bother you - talk to your doctor! Get screened!!!
Whatta story. Mark, thank you for sharing this. I'd like to share it as well....because you are living proof of how vital screening is. This test is simply NO BIG DEAL. It saves lives. You're proof of that and I'm so thankful you spoke up about your experience. ❤️✌️ Be well and stay that way!!
@Susan Niemann I’m so sorry for your loss. Being the primary caregiver to someone with cancer is exhausting. I was my husband’s for 3 years; he died of pancreatic cancer. I hope you have peace and rest and take care of yourself. 💗
Thank you Sharon... it was surreal, in a way, as I look back on it. You do what you have to do, though, right? MY condolences for your loss as well. I think the best way I can honor him is to get people to take care of themselves and spread the word. HUGS to you. ❤️
One foot in front of the other. (((HUGS)))
In 2010, I noticed I had blood in my stool. I said to my husband I think there’s something wrong. He was a surgeon and he said oh you probably just have hemorrhoids. I said no this is something else and I complained to the G.I. doctor also a friend. he said oh you probably just have hemorrhoids. I said I don’t care I want this looked at I want colonoscopy. It was my FIRST colonoscopy and I was 68! No one had recommended I have a colonoscopy before this. They didn’t even think I should have one then!
It turned out I had a malignancy. Shocking news to my husband the doctor and the G.I. doctor. Oh, what shall we do? He had removed the tumor which was sitting up on a healthy pedicle.
The local academic health center wanted me to have a Whipple. And radiation therapy and chemotherapy. I looked at the literature, and I saw that my risk of dying from the Whipple and everything else at this point was higher than the risk of the tumor.
So I said no to Whipple I said no to the treatments and then I begin an every six month process of colonoscopies. The good news is it was a good catch. The bad news is I had to advocate for myself repeatedly and had I not done so I would not have been a survivor. so if you think there’s something wrong advocate for yourself or your loved one because no one knows your body better than you do regardless of what the “statistics” say.
And yes, I just had a colonoscopy last week and yes, the prep is horrible. And yes, there were lots of polyps (14!!!!) and I will be going back in two years not three years and I will be grateful that it’s just polyps.
Get a colonoscopy people!
WOW Sharon... an incredible story, one we can all learn from....and I'm SO GLAD you are here to tell it. My step father had Whipple surgery. It's a tough one. And for sure we must be our own advocate. I feel very fortunate with Tim that our neighbor across the hall was a colorectal resident. She was SO supportive. And... 14 polyps! 😳 I believe since your experience, doctors are encouraging the testing more...as they should. THANK YOU, BTW, for subscribing. Means the world to me.🙏❤️
My BIl -- the stage IV colon cancer was found when he was operated on for something else. Despite excellent doctors, we lost him.
There's a noninvasive test called cologard -- it's not as reliable as a colonoscopy but it's a lot easier and it can alert you and your doctor.
More importantly, I believe you can get it annually starting in your 40s.
Bridget, my heart goes out to you. Thanks for mentioning the cologuard test. It's better than nothing. Cancer is such a vicious disease and this kind is not that difficult to stop. Take care of YOU! ❤️
Thank you.
He left a wife, two daughters, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and friends galore.
As you keep saying, do it for them if you won't do it for yourself.
That goes for pap smear, colonoscopies and those funny little moles that seem different. Get checked out.
Yes it does...those funny little moles....yes! Pap smear...yes! And Mammograms! Thank you Bridget. ❤️
Nothing is worse than watching a loved one suffer. Especially with knowledge that something could of been done to prevent it. What an emotional roller-coaster. My heart goes out to you. This is the hard stuff. Really hard. My husband has his appointment coming up. I'm due, but I have put under. I have issues. Again, my heart goes out to you. You're incredibly strong. You have to be. Sometimes there isn't choice. We just persevere. ❤️
Morning, Lisa. Promise me you'll get your testing. Just listen to your doctor. Stay healthy and happy! ✌️❤️
I will.
Thank you for this--I have a colon screening by the end of this month as my fam on my dad side has a history of problems in this area and I really really am hoping things go well. I am so very sorry for your loss. From the pictures Tim looked like a ball of friend and fun. It sucks when we lose such light. My heart and love goes out to you.
Thanks Alicia. And I'm thrilled you are getting checked. It can literally save your life! You would have loved Tim-he would have loved your writing. Stay well.
So sorry for this terrible loss. You are so right about getting colonoscopies!
Thanks so much... please stay vigilant and get your testing! Thanks for reading! ✌️
I have and I think it’s great that you are openly discussing why people avoid the test and why they shouldn’t. Colon cancer is a silent disease until it isn’t.
Susan, I'm so sorry for your loss of Tim, but happy he had you by his side. Helping a partner through health issues is so hard, and then to lose them anyhow I'm sure is devastating. You are doing good using your knowledge and experience to get the word out. Thank you!
Hey Cherie… I know people make their own decisions about things but if they could think about the impact of their decisions on their families … we could save some lives! ❤️