From now on, it's all about ME.

From the boardroom to the bedroom and everyplace in between, I AM my focus.

This is Essay #153

This is about self care. As America continues to dissolve burn, I realize I am mentally and emotionally more vulnerable than I cared to admit. The primitive behavior of many Americans, the corruption and depravity, the fucking Rose Garden! 😳 It’s left me breathless… and anxious. So I had this epiphany….

Discovered on Flickr

I allowed my long career in advertising to define my worth in life. I was pretty good at it… maybe not so great actually managing the agency I founded, but hell, we lasted 32+ years, made some money, paid taxes, and eventually sold the place… so I guess that’s not a bad track record.

Like a lot of ad people who have aged out of the industry, we’re all trying to find our purpose, put our experience to work.

What’s my next act?

Where can I make some impact, make a difference?

Where can I find my worth?

Well, I think I finally have the answer.

It’s ME. I AM my purpose. I am MY project.

And, baby, I have earned it. (So have you.)

I provided paychecks and careers.

I made cash registers ring.

I volunteered and provided agency services to nonprofits.

I contributed to the tax base with large purchases of equipment.

I was bossy, kind, driven, loaded with too much enthusiasm.

And I did it in suits, lipstick, and high heels.

All that’s behind me, and now I’m at that awkward age, looking at 7 decades. (How is that even possible? 🤦‍♀️)

Beyond the workplace, there’s the relationship dilemma.

Tim. He was one of a kind, an anomaly. He loved me ferociously. After he died, relationships are now, shall we say, challenging?

I’m either too young or too old. I’ve met men with money issues, tax issues, personal issues, alcohol issues. Men who mansplain. Men who don’t listen. Selfish men. Inconsiderate men. Married men. Men who, frankly, just aren’t very intelligent. Men who don’t value their health or fitness.

So, I’ve given up on a longterm, meaningful relationship where I matter to someone.

Letting go of that idea has brought profound relief.

FINALLY, I realize that my identity isn’t based on how much I get done in a day or how many projects I cross off my list. I am fortunate that I can pick and choose the freelance clients that come my way. Have laptop, will travel. And that’s exactly what I intend to do. (Spain, I’ll see you in November.)

It will be hard to break bad habits (like scrolling the news without tears in my eyes), but my list must look different now in order to be happy. Stuff like:

• Plan an itinerary for Scotland. And Canada.

• Call Karen for lunch. And Margot. And Sharon.

• Go for drinks and live music with Shellie.

• Write more… with my headphones on.

• Get a massage.

• Read a book and enjoy a nap.

• More leisurely gym time.

• Then bake something! :)

I have far fewer steps in front of me than I do behind me… wasting precious time is not an option. Chasing after unrealistic goals, waiting til the time is “just right”…. NO. Taking care of my heart and soul is now my full time job.

Practicing self-care doesn’t equate to being selfish. But I see how important it is for survival in this current era. If it doesn’t make you happy, get rid of it.

I love this photo of Nellie…she was in a nursing home for a 6 week recovery from a fall. And by god, she was out of there in less than 6 weeks… and flirted with the physical therapist who was helping her. 😂

Towards the end of her long life, I asked my Grandmother Nellie Lee, “What can I do to make you happy?”

She replied, “Honey, only I can make me happy.”

Words I intend to live by.

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Thanks for spending a little time with me. I mean it when I say how much I appreciate my digital family and all of you who I’ve gotten to know.

Love you guys! 💙