It was easy for me when I was a young, white guy to pass off the treatment that non-young, non-white, non-guys got when they went to health care professionals.
At age 38, I married a woman 13 years older than I and it began to come very clear where the disparity in treatment came, even with the very same doctors we went to.
It took more than a year to convince even female doctors that she had a possible heart condition requiring some type of action. When they finally decided to do a perfunctory procedure (more as an ass-covering measure to satisfy their malpractice attorneys than as real medicine), they discovered that she needed triple bypass surgery and raced her through the procedure.
Even her female OB/GYN treated her like she was belly-aching each time she complained until she discovered that she had a prolapsed bladder.
My wife will soon turn 88 and we were fortunate that the Primary Care Physician decided to recommend her for home hospice care two years ago. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2018. After eight months of some of the best care she ever had (thanks mostly to it being female nurses providing the care), she was discharged from home hospice and with the help of a retired nurse visiting three days a week, I am able to provide the care she needed all along. She still has dementia, but she is much stronger physically and still has a sense of humor that made me fall in love with her 36 years ago.
Ladies, if you can't do it yourselves (as my wife no longer can do), find someone to advocate for you and find medical professionals who will listen. They seem to be increasing in numbers, but far too slowly.
Lawrence, THANK YOU for sharing your story. It validates what all women have been saying all along! Your beautiful wife is lucky to have you and your love for each other has been the difference. I think your advice about finding an advocate is exactly right. When someone is ill, it's difficult if not almost impossible to make decisions for yourself. I have to wonder if our for-profit healthcare system makes it unnecessarily difficult for physicians to provide the kind of care they might wish to. Give your wife a big hug from all of us. ❤️❤️❤️
Are you sure big pharma just need big houses? 🤣 my hot flashes are all in my back. Like sitting in a heated seat in 90 degree weather 🤣 black cohosh I think helped me. It’s never been too bad. Thanks for the info
Oh My Gosh! It’s miserable, isnt it! In a heated seat!? 🥵 And we’re all out here in big numbers, too. I’m in my third month of taking a supplement thats supposed to help, but I may just resort to straight black cohash soon to see if there’s relief there! Thanks Mary! ❤️
I cannot imagine hot flashes. But I lived thru them with my wife who started them in her 40’s. Covers on, covers off. Fan on then off. It was a nightmare for her. She fought it without drugs the entire time and made it. I like most men would have whined and bitched and looked for world wide sympathy. Plus drugs and a quick cure.
On another note there is still shortage of women doctors and doctors in general. There are more women in med schools than men I believe. About damn time. Patients of women doctors have better outcomes with less complications and deaths. Women doctors seek a better approach without risking their patients. My oncologist and my orthopedic surgeon are both women. Would not trade them. Their care, willingness to listen and explain is head and shoulder above most male doctors I have had.
Covers on, covers off. Yes...I'm there! I'm trying to actually joke about it...I tell my friend...here it comes! Wait for it! 😂 We can actually see the beads of sweat form on my hands and forehead!! And you are so right about women in medicine. I always look for one! My best friend is a colorectal surgeon and she's about to begin her first "job" after fellowship in Alaska! She will be an asset wherever she goes. She's smart as hell, kind and calm. We need more of that!! ✌️
Hot flashes...Now there's a subject us women can relate to! In 1995, I had a complete hysterectomy, along with bladder and colon issues attended to at the same time. Needless to say, I was a mess! My gynecologist had exhausted very hormore remedy one could possibly figure out to keep me from going from zero to bitch in 30 seconds. Finally after 5 years of this roller coaster ride, I found a new doctor, a general practitioner. I told him my problems and a list of what I tried. This is what he explained to me...having a complete hysterectomy at 40 throws a woman into early menopause, because the brain and the body are fighting against each other. He prescribed the lowest dose of Zoloft, 25mg. Within a week, my family loved me once again! When I went back a couple weeks later for a recheck, I gave this doctor I barely knew a bear hug! After 5 years, I felt normal. No mood swings, no more night sweats, I was me again! I have been on Zoloft ever since. During my depression days the dose was dramatically increased, but now I am back on the low dose to keep the hot flashes at bay. The generic brand is inexpensive and works! Who knows what are in all these new miracle drugs, if you read the side effects it should scare the hell out of you and the doctor's make a profit off them. So, yes, they are going to prescribe the newest best miracle drug on the current market!
You've been thru the mill! I used to take Zoloft years ago for depression and while it did work, I was a zombie....so I got on Lexipro and it's perfect for me. I feel like I'm my old self. That said, I would look at other options, like Effexor was mentioned by my doc. The thing with the new Veozah is it's too damned expensive. There doesnt seem to be interactions with the drugs I'm currently taking and I'd love to try it, but financially, it's only for wealthy gals. And interestingly, the side effect of the Veozah, which is supposed to stop hot flashes is.... wait for it.... HOT FLASHES!! 😂
Susan Niemann: First, as a man who LOVES the woman I have lived with 53-years/married 51, Nancy, my Light and LOVE, I am glad, even ecstatic that the actuarial charts favor her living five years longer than I.
May she live 25-years-longer than I, I love her so much.
I ensure she has the VERY BEST of medical care, which means for 20 years, we have had highly specialized ophthalmic care, because her eyes were vulnerable due to then life-long myopia and other conditions. Now, with 20-years of care, her eye-health is the best ever, and she sees unaided near 20/20.
Myself, I had a heat stroke as a young officer in the Marines, and but for immediate intervention I would not be here to describe it.
So, I am extremely vulnerable to heat and easily overheat.
My own remedy: I drink loads -- and I mean all-but too-much water, cold water.
Very cold water in high volume helps a lot.
I drink mineral water, which has cured me absolutely of my former dependency on Dr. Pepper. Now, I drink a LOT of mineral water. Maybe circa three liters a day. Cold.
Schvitzing is the perfect word. My hot flashes weren’t too bad but in the winter I was wearing a sleeveless nightgown and had the heat turned down. The kids complained but I just growled “put on another jacket”.
Susan right there with you.. aging sucks donkey balls and although my docs are female they have me on Intrarosa and that’s sometimes still not enough.. I was melting in the winter with night sweats and don’t start me on oh you’re just getting olderrrrrr.. my mom had cancer from the old hormone replacement therapy.. she’s now almost 90 with full blown Alzheimer’s since she would not stop eating candy and Pepsi’s all day every day.. I swear women have to put up with so much.. hormones then lack of hormones dry as the Gobi Desert then hair loss skin thinning.. and men they get Viagra and they’re still good to go.. women.. we’re left in a pool of sweat .. agitated infuriated and ignored.. what happened to women’s viagra?? When will they make that one..
The guy on the ladder looked like me last weekend trying to (unsuccessfully) to change the batteries in my smoke detector. Before calling the fire department, I begged my electrician to do it. Anyway, my hot flashes were tolerable, but I would start crying for no reason. It was embarrassing to be out for dinner, enjoying cocktails, and there was me trying to hide the tears rolling down my cheeks. I kept thinking this is so stupid, why am I crying. Agghh. Thankfully, no more tears. The osteoporosis really sucks though.
Our health care system is total bullshit. I've been trying to take advantage of Medicare, but without supplemental insurance that I can't afford, it's useless, in my opinion. To right wingers, we seniors are parasites. They'd like us all to die.
It frosts my ass that Medicare supplementals aren't on the ACA. Who needs those subsidies more than seniors? Instead, they try to strongarm us into Medicare Advantage (which isn't Medicare). I'm thinking about telling them to stick the whole thing up their asses. Just put the $150 a month back in my monthly benefit. If I get sick I'll do the honorable thing.
I hear it's hard to switch back. All those benefits that Joe Namath and J. J. Walker tell you about are worthless vouchers. Advantage is a death panel.
OMG! Why are we such an awful species? When I had my daughter, I was Lamaze all the way. But then, we're at the mercy of the doctor, too. Thanks for sharing this, Geoff. Its horrific.
I feel your pain!! At 76 I'm mostly free of those horrible days but am still a person who is "always hot". Having gone through that 30-years ago, I don't have any meds to recommend. My doctor was an MD but was into holistic medicine and since my mother had breast cancer had a tablet compounded for me at a mail-order holistic pharmacy. I don't recall what it was, but it helped. Hang in there, sister!!
Thanks Diane. If you ever find out more about the holistic medicine, I'd love to know. Astellas is the maker of Veozah, and it looks like Bayer is almost ready to introduce a competitive product. These pharma companies need to talk to me about their marketing! 😂
I’m finally done at 73, although I do still have the occasional one, of course. Plus living in the desert, especially this of time of year, does not help. Good luck, it ain’t easy!
Its total BS. Totally agree! I have had hot flashes for at least nine years now. My new female OB/GYN last year asked me if I wanted to look into doing anything about it, and I told her that since I had already put up with it for almost a decade I’d just tough it out. A few months ago I watched an interview with a doctor, also female, who heads the Women’s Health department at a Boston hospital. She said “if your doctor ignores your hot flashes, fire them!” So, I had a televisit with mine. She said I could not use a hormonal approach- since I’ve had them for so long, but I could try Veozah. So, I investigated- my insurance would not cover at all- $500 a month for me. But, the Veozah website had a link to the manufacturer’s “savings card”. I tried that- I’m not eligible because my insurance, procured through the exchange as my retirement plan requires for me to receive a stipend for the monthly premiums, is not considered private and as such I am not eligible for the savings card. WTF??!!! Anyhow, the representative at my mail order prescription service(also female) went the extra mile and told me they DO cover two other prescriptions that treat vasomotor symptoms (VMS). One was hormonal and so I knew that was out. But the other was not. I sent my doctor a message to see what she thought about it, and she prescribed for me! Since it’s the generic for an antidepressant, I get it for 🆓. I take a 20 mg split into less than half before bedtime. I still have hot flashes during the day, but It has helped me sleep much better, which for me is a win! I don’t want to shill for the company, so I won’t name it unless you or any of your readers are interested. I’d say voilá- but c’mon- it took me at least three hours of dogged pursuit to come up with a solution- and Shannon is right- my spouse was offered Viagara totally free as a matter of course during his prostate treatment.
I have been having hot flahes for 27 years. My mother is 87 yrs old and she's still on hormones. My last misogynistic doctor refused to fill my hormone prescription and offered me sleeping pills and lorzepam instead. We got into a pissing contest over that. I told him I was sick of the fucking misogyny in health care. Fuck him. I fired him. I found a new doctor and I'm back on them.
I could write a book on this bullshit. You can hang beef in my living room because I'm always hot!! I hand out blankets. Get over it.
JFC! Good for you that you fired his ass. I made the decision to stop hormones about 4 months ago because of the risk of stroke…my mom had a couple of strokes. It’s very frustrating to see a possible solution thats priced so far out of reach for the mainstream population!
Isn't that always the case though. My family has a history of strokes also. My mother had a cholesterol stroke. Hormones didn't have anything to do it. I'm taking my chances. I can't function without hormones. I'm in a puddle on floor without them. I can't think. Quality vs quantity at this point for me. 🥵🫠
After reading this, Astellas needs to rethink their advertising... no one has heard of it. And WHY would they spend $7 for 30 seconds in the Super Bowl? Stupid decision. The market is huge for this drug and they're not talking to the right people - in my view, anyway. 🤷🏼♀️
It was easy for me when I was a young, white guy to pass off the treatment that non-young, non-white, non-guys got when they went to health care professionals.
At age 38, I married a woman 13 years older than I and it began to come very clear where the disparity in treatment came, even with the very same doctors we went to.
It took more than a year to convince even female doctors that she had a possible heart condition requiring some type of action. When they finally decided to do a perfunctory procedure (more as an ass-covering measure to satisfy their malpractice attorneys than as real medicine), they discovered that she needed triple bypass surgery and raced her through the procedure.
Even her female OB/GYN treated her like she was belly-aching each time she complained until she discovered that she had a prolapsed bladder.
My wife will soon turn 88 and we were fortunate that the Primary Care Physician decided to recommend her for home hospice care two years ago. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2018. After eight months of some of the best care she ever had (thanks mostly to it being female nurses providing the care), she was discharged from home hospice and with the help of a retired nurse visiting three days a week, I am able to provide the care she needed all along. She still has dementia, but she is much stronger physically and still has a sense of humor that made me fall in love with her 36 years ago.
Ladies, if you can't do it yourselves (as my wife no longer can do), find someone to advocate for you and find medical professionals who will listen. They seem to be increasing in numbers, but far too slowly.
Lawrence, THANK YOU for sharing your story. It validates what all women have been saying all along! Your beautiful wife is lucky to have you and your love for each other has been the difference. I think your advice about finding an advocate is exactly right. When someone is ill, it's difficult if not almost impossible to make decisions for yourself. I have to wonder if our for-profit healthcare system makes it unnecessarily difficult for physicians to provide the kind of care they might wish to. Give your wife a big hug from all of us. ❤️❤️❤️
Are you sure big pharma just need big houses? 🤣 my hot flashes are all in my back. Like sitting in a heated seat in 90 degree weather 🤣 black cohosh I think helped me. It’s never been too bad. Thanks for the info
Oh My Gosh! It’s miserable, isnt it! In a heated seat!? 🥵 And we’re all out here in big numbers, too. I’m in my third month of taking a supplement thats supposed to help, but I may just resort to straight black cohash soon to see if there’s relief there! Thanks Mary! ❤️
I cannot imagine hot flashes. But I lived thru them with my wife who started them in her 40’s. Covers on, covers off. Fan on then off. It was a nightmare for her. She fought it without drugs the entire time and made it. I like most men would have whined and bitched and looked for world wide sympathy. Plus drugs and a quick cure.
On another note there is still shortage of women doctors and doctors in general. There are more women in med schools than men I believe. About damn time. Patients of women doctors have better outcomes with less complications and deaths. Women doctors seek a better approach without risking their patients. My oncologist and my orthopedic surgeon are both women. Would not trade them. Their care, willingness to listen and explain is head and shoulder above most male doctors I have had.
Good Susan.
Covers on, covers off. Yes...I'm there! I'm trying to actually joke about it...I tell my friend...here it comes! Wait for it! 😂 We can actually see the beads of sweat form on my hands and forehead!! And you are so right about women in medicine. I always look for one! My best friend is a colorectal surgeon and she's about to begin her first "job" after fellowship in Alaska! She will be an asset wherever she goes. She's smart as hell, kind and calm. We need more of that!! ✌️
Hah! Good one.
Hot flashes...Now there's a subject us women can relate to! In 1995, I had a complete hysterectomy, along with bladder and colon issues attended to at the same time. Needless to say, I was a mess! My gynecologist had exhausted very hormore remedy one could possibly figure out to keep me from going from zero to bitch in 30 seconds. Finally after 5 years of this roller coaster ride, I found a new doctor, a general practitioner. I told him my problems and a list of what I tried. This is what he explained to me...having a complete hysterectomy at 40 throws a woman into early menopause, because the brain and the body are fighting against each other. He prescribed the lowest dose of Zoloft, 25mg. Within a week, my family loved me once again! When I went back a couple weeks later for a recheck, I gave this doctor I barely knew a bear hug! After 5 years, I felt normal. No mood swings, no more night sweats, I was me again! I have been on Zoloft ever since. During my depression days the dose was dramatically increased, but now I am back on the low dose to keep the hot flashes at bay. The generic brand is inexpensive and works! Who knows what are in all these new miracle drugs, if you read the side effects it should scare the hell out of you and the doctor's make a profit off them. So, yes, they are going to prescribe the newest best miracle drug on the current market!
You've been thru the mill! I used to take Zoloft years ago for depression and while it did work, I was a zombie....so I got on Lexipro and it's perfect for me. I feel like I'm my old self. That said, I would look at other options, like Effexor was mentioned by my doc. The thing with the new Veozah is it's too damned expensive. There doesnt seem to be interactions with the drugs I'm currently taking and I'd love to try it, but financially, it's only for wealthy gals. And interestingly, the side effect of the Veozah, which is supposed to stop hot flashes is.... wait for it.... HOT FLASHES!! 😂
We're just damned if we do, and damned if we don't. Where is the land of OZ anyways? 😆
Susan Niemann: First, as a man who LOVES the woman I have lived with 53-years/married 51, Nancy, my Light and LOVE, I am glad, even ecstatic that the actuarial charts favor her living five years longer than I.
May she live 25-years-longer than I, I love her so much.
I ensure she has the VERY BEST of medical care, which means for 20 years, we have had highly specialized ophthalmic care, because her eyes were vulnerable due to then life-long myopia and other conditions. Now, with 20-years of care, her eye-health is the best ever, and she sees unaided near 20/20.
Myself, I had a heat stroke as a young officer in the Marines, and but for immediate intervention I would not be here to describe it.
So, I am extremely vulnerable to heat and easily overheat.
My own remedy: I drink loads -- and I mean all-but too-much water, cold water.
Very cold water in high volume helps a lot.
I drink mineral water, which has cured me absolutely of my former dependency on Dr. Pepper. Now, I drink a LOT of mineral water. Maybe circa three liters a day. Cold.
Nothing stops me up, either.
I guess I could have left out that observation!
😂 Mineral water is the cure!!! And good for you-take care of Nancy! She's such a lucky woman to have you! Thank you for being here! ❤️✌️
Schvitzing is the perfect word. My hot flashes weren’t too bad but in the winter I was wearing a sleeveless nightgown and had the heat turned down. The kids complained but I just growled “put on another jacket”.
I’d sleep in a cave if I could! My daughter always complained about being cold and I said the same thing! 😂
Totally correct. The GQP just keeps trying harder to put women back into the 1700’s. That’s just their starting point too.
Susan right there with you.. aging sucks donkey balls and although my docs are female they have me on Intrarosa and that’s sometimes still not enough.. I was melting in the winter with night sweats and don’t start me on oh you’re just getting olderrrrrr.. my mom had cancer from the old hormone replacement therapy.. she’s now almost 90 with full blown Alzheimer’s since she would not stop eating candy and Pepsi’s all day every day.. I swear women have to put up with so much.. hormones then lack of hormones dry as the Gobi Desert then hair loss skin thinning.. and men they get Viagra and they’re still good to go.. women.. we’re left in a pool of sweat .. agitated infuriated and ignored.. what happened to women’s viagra?? When will they make that one..
Outstanding question! WHEN WILL THEY? I just would like to stop the shvitzing! 🥵🥵
The guy on the ladder looked like me last weekend trying to (unsuccessfully) to change the batteries in my smoke detector. Before calling the fire department, I begged my electrician to do it. Anyway, my hot flashes were tolerable, but I would start crying for no reason. It was embarrassing to be out for dinner, enjoying cocktails, and there was me trying to hide the tears rolling down my cheeks. I kept thinking this is so stupid, why am I crying. Agghh. Thankfully, no more tears. The osteoporosis really sucks though.
I swear by all that is holy, being a woman requires superhuman strength. I get it!
Wo! Man! What a steaming scribe! All combustibly correct! Flamingly factual! Meltingly maddening!
And, hysterically hot!
I offer you my 🪭& 🍺, and hopes for another woman POTUS candidate in my lifetime to vote for.
May a cool cat create a chuckle and cascading chortles, cancelling the coals of this conflagrant climate!
Be well, my liege.
Your humble (humidified, heat stricken) vassal. 🥵
😂😂😂 Thank you! ✌️
Our health care system is total bullshit. I've been trying to take advantage of Medicare, but without supplemental insurance that I can't afford, it's useless, in my opinion. To right wingers, we seniors are parasites. They'd like us all to die.
You’re absolutely right, Charlie. And we pay into a system thats shortchanging us. Thats the for-profit healthcare system we’re saddled with. 🙄
It frosts my ass that Medicare supplementals aren't on the ACA. Who needs those subsidies more than seniors? Instead, they try to strongarm us into Medicare Advantage (which isn't Medicare). I'm thinking about telling them to stick the whole thing up their asses. Just put the $150 a month back in my monthly benefit. If I get sick I'll do the honorable thing.
I was on Advantage for 3 months...switched back. It was HORRIBLE!
I hear it's hard to switch back. All those benefits that Joe Namath and J. J. Walker tell you about are worthless vouchers. Advantage is a death panel.
I was lucky that I fell inside the 90 day trial at the first of the year!
I will drop this (gift article link) here on the most common surgery in America, and prepare to be horrified...
https://www.theatlantic.com/books/archive/2024/06/invisible-labor-book-review/678723/?gift=lZ07xdRuuhUfJyfnEFiKwZWIj5hBFG4V1M9m8sIPKM0&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share
OMG! Why are we such an awful species? When I had my daughter, I was Lamaze all the way. But then, we're at the mercy of the doctor, too. Thanks for sharing this, Geoff. Its horrific.
We really do suck, don't we
I feel your pain!! At 76 I'm mostly free of those horrible days but am still a person who is "always hot". Having gone through that 30-years ago, I don't have any meds to recommend. My doctor was an MD but was into holistic medicine and since my mother had breast cancer had a tablet compounded for me at a mail-order holistic pharmacy. I don't recall what it was, but it helped. Hang in there, sister!!
Thanks Diane. If you ever find out more about the holistic medicine, I'd love to know. Astellas is the maker of Veozah, and it looks like Bayer is almost ready to introduce a competitive product. These pharma companies need to talk to me about their marketing! 😂
I’m finally done at 73, although I do still have the occasional one, of course. Plus living in the desert, especially this of time of year, does not help. Good luck, it ain’t easy!
Oh, yes...living in the desert cant be helpful. Or when I go to the gym, I sometimes double sweat! 😂😂
Its total BS. Totally agree! I have had hot flashes for at least nine years now. My new female OB/GYN last year asked me if I wanted to look into doing anything about it, and I told her that since I had already put up with it for almost a decade I’d just tough it out. A few months ago I watched an interview with a doctor, also female, who heads the Women’s Health department at a Boston hospital. She said “if your doctor ignores your hot flashes, fire them!” So, I had a televisit with mine. She said I could not use a hormonal approach- since I’ve had them for so long, but I could try Veozah. So, I investigated- my insurance would not cover at all- $500 a month for me. But, the Veozah website had a link to the manufacturer’s “savings card”. I tried that- I’m not eligible because my insurance, procured through the exchange as my retirement plan requires for me to receive a stipend for the monthly premiums, is not considered private and as such I am not eligible for the savings card. WTF??!!! Anyhow, the representative at my mail order prescription service(also female) went the extra mile and told me they DO cover two other prescriptions that treat vasomotor symptoms (VMS). One was hormonal and so I knew that was out. But the other was not. I sent my doctor a message to see what she thought about it, and she prescribed for me! Since it’s the generic for an antidepressant, I get it for 🆓. I take a 20 mg split into less than half before bedtime. I still have hot flashes during the day, but It has helped me sleep much better, which for me is a win! I don’t want to shill for the company, so I won’t name it unless you or any of your readers are interested. I’d say voilá- but c’mon- it took me at least three hours of dogged pursuit to come up with a solution- and Shannon is right- my spouse was offered Viagara totally free as a matter of course during his prostate treatment.
I have been having hot flahes for 27 years. My mother is 87 yrs old and she's still on hormones. My last misogynistic doctor refused to fill my hormone prescription and offered me sleeping pills and lorzepam instead. We got into a pissing contest over that. I told him I was sick of the fucking misogyny in health care. Fuck him. I fired him. I found a new doctor and I'm back on them.
I could write a book on this bullshit. You can hang beef in my living room because I'm always hot!! I hand out blankets. Get over it.
JFC! Good for you that you fired his ass. I made the decision to stop hormones about 4 months ago because of the risk of stroke…my mom had a couple of strokes. It’s very frustrating to see a possible solution thats priced so far out of reach for the mainstream population!
Isn't that always the case though. My family has a history of strokes also. My mother had a cholesterol stroke. Hormones didn't have anything to do it. I'm taking my chances. I can't function without hormones. I'm in a puddle on floor without them. I can't think. Quality vs quantity at this point for me. 🥵🫠
Same here MK! I was denied the savings card too. Is the antidepressant Effexor? My Doc suggested that and I may look into it after I move back to Missouri. Here's more about Veozah: https://www.pharmavoice.com/news/next-gen-menopause-treatments-veozah-astellas-pharma/
After reading this, Astellas needs to rethink their advertising... no one has heard of it. And WHY would they spend $7 for 30 seconds in the Super Bowl? Stupid decision. The market is huge for this drug and they're not talking to the right people - in my view, anyway. 🤷🏼♀️
The prescription is Paroxetine HCL 7.5 mg before bedtime. Generic for Paxil. I researched it at the NLM website.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4274337/
THANKS! Once I am reestablished in Missouri, I'll be checking in to this! My two triggers seem to be alcohol and caffeine. My two favorite things. 😂😂
Really appreciate it!